Returning to PHP last November, before falling flat on my face and allowing my eating disorder to transform into a vicious force to be reckoned with, is among the best decisions I have made!
I entered PHP with the understanding it would be for two weeks, which is a timeline I presented. After getting the ok from my employer, I made the choice to follow my team’s recommendation to stay in PHP until I at least reached a place of weight restoration and get back on a maintenance meal plan. A little over seven weeks later, I discharged on Wednesday, January 18. Despite being a short stay in comparison to the 10 consecutive months I once spent between residential and PHP treatment, those seven weeks and two days felt incredibly long. I threw up my fists and fought my eating disorder head-on with great intensity I have never fought it with before. I took on challenge after challenge, fighting to truly do that fully surrender thing I talked about.
Today marks exactly one full week that I have been out of PHP and I am fighting what feels like a new fight. While I have made extreme progress surrounding my recovery over the years, I have never succeeded with maintaining a solid level of recovery after stepping down from PHP. I want this time to be vastly different than previous times. I am channeling a lot of energy and focus toward prioritizing my recovery.
I am both excited and scared to write this new chapter of my recovery journey. I so badly want to be on the other side. I am fearful I will never get there. I am also determined to get there. I have not fought as hard as I have and come as far as I have to settle for less. I am going to fight on.